


It'll Be Okay, Maybe, One Day

by dizzy



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-02
Updated: 2009-12-02
Packaged: 2017-10-04 02:25:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy





	It'll Be Okay, Maybe, One Day

It's not that weird, Dom thinks, being friends with your ex. He flings his arm across the back of the car seat and lets his hand drop to Evi's shoulder. She looks at him and smiles and he smiles back. She's great. He's great. Billy's great and Ali's great and Jack's great and, damn, life is pretty good right now.

Isn't it?

*

Life isn't that good, really.

Life actually kind of sucks.

He's an actor and he's making it but he's not a real star yet. He's got some measure of success but when he looks at the mirror he still sees a short little ugly bastard, only now with a straight white teeth and a normal jaw.

He thought he'd change, at some point. He thought he'd become what he was always meant to turn into, but he's just himself with a bit more money now.

*

Evangeline is lovely and he might marry her, but it won't last and she doesn't want kids and she's got the same unending thirst of more, more, more that he does. They won't both make it and when one of them doesn't that'll be the end.

He'll miss her laughter and her body against his and the way she looks wearing his t-shirt when she walks into the kitchen on a Sunday morning. He won't miss the way she looks through him sometimes, the way she whines about how much attention she's getting but does everything in her power to make sure the attention stays on her. He won't miss the way she is fake nice to his old schoolmates and makes excuses not to hang out with them. He thinks, maybe, the end is already pretty damn close.

*

Dom spends a lot of time convincing himself that he is happy. Some days are better than others. Some weeks are better, some months. He likes it when he has a job or when Evi is traveling with him. His rough times are the ones where he has time to think, or when he sits on the sidelines and watches her shine.

He was never this jealous, he thinks, of Billy. But maybe that's because Billy was always happy to let Dom shine instead.

*

New Zealand isn't even like a real memory anymore. It's like a movie; he can recall scenes and play them back in his mind but it doesn't feel like he was ever really there. For the first year or so after, it was all he could think about. His life was one big wish to go backward.

Then there was Lost and Hawaii and a lightbulb turned on. He stopped thinking about then and started thinking about now, now, now and he made new friends and fell in love and stopped dreaming about Billy kissing him high up on a tree.

*

It was never a problem for Billy, Dom thinks. Billy finished shooting and returned home to the woman that had only ever managed the pretense of not waiting for him.

Billy and Ali have a great relationship. They didn't mean to get pregnant but when it happened Billy was happier than anyone. They won't get married, Billy swears, because it just isn't something he wants, but Dom's never known a happier couple than the two of them. Billy is having fun with his band and picking roles that he likes that are close to home and he never seems to want for anything.

*

And then one night, Dom is alone and drunk and has a phone and wants to hear Billy's voice.

Dom does a lot of talking and Billy doesn't say much of anything. When Dom hears the doorknob turning he fumbles with the end call button and doesn't even bother to say goodbye.

The next morning he has a voicemail from Billy but he's hungover and can't entirely remember what all he said so he waits fifteen hours before he listens to it.

*

It's not a movie to me. I remember everything. I remember... well. All of it.

You can do a lot of things to me, Dom. You can tell me it's over, you can tell me to go home, you can tell me you don't have time for a visit. You can say you're happy for me and tell me that you're in love with someone else and you can break my bloody heart but you can't tell me that it wasn't real to you.

Don't do that to me, Dom. I'm telling you. Don't do it if you want to keep me in your life at all.

*

He goes a month without talking to Billy. His movie finished shooting and there's a nice wrap party. Evi goes back to Hawaii and takes all of the distractions that she offers with her.

A week later he breaks up with her. She cries, but only a little and then she tells him that she has to go. He's shaken - more than a little - but tells himself that he did the right thing.

He goes to Manchester. He goes to London. He visits everyone he's ever known that will still put him up for a night. He takes people out to dinner and pays for food and drinks for everyone. He parties until the wee hours of the morning and does not drunkenly phone his secret ex-boyfriend.

*

Billy calls him. "I'm in town," he says. And then, "Are we okay?"

"We're great," Dom says with false cheer. "Lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure."

*

Lunch goes something like this:

Billy says, "I hate you sometimes."

Dom says, "Why?"

Billy says, "Because it was so easy for you to forget me."

Dom says, "I didn't."

Billy says, "What?"

Dom says, "I didn't forget you. I didn't get over you."

Billy says, "You son of a bitch."

Dom says, "What?"

And then Billy leaves.

*

Dom signs on to do another movie. Another background character. A few good lines, but nothing stellar. It keeps money coming in, though, and that's something.

He does another television pilot but nothing comes of it. One day he'll find the right role. The right time, the right place, the right casting agent. One day it'll happen.

All he can do is keep on hoping.

Life isn't great, but it still keeps going.


End file.
